The Funeral Service

There are some things you never expect or want to happen.  When talking about loved ones, this includes many different things.  You want to protect them and you also want to spend lots of time with them.  As a kid, you just take everything for granted.  One year is a very long time.  Kids just don’t think of endings.  It takes lots of growing up to reach that understanding.

Adults take a different approach.  They tend to take things for granted even though they know things end.  It is typically that when it is too late that we appreciate how unique and special that person was.

I was in a slightly different category.  I appreciated my Grandmother very much but due to the huge distance between us I didn’t see her very often or for very long.  The last time was in 2005 for a few days.

Grandma (Helen Diamond) had cancer and her illness only lasted a few months.  It came quickly and she was able to be at home until the very end.  It was exactly the way she wanted it.

All her kids were with her in Humboldt.  Mom had been up there for a few weeks before taking care of her.  It was very difficult for everyone to handle what was happening.

The day I found out that Grandma had died was so rough.  Its a feeling like the floor isn’t there anymore.  The thoughts of memories with her and how much she had been a part of my life just overwhelmed me.  The part that seemed to hurt the most is that there was not going to be any more memories.

After she had died I spoke with my sister.  She reminded me how patient and tolerant Grandma had been.  The grandchildren used to run around her house making lots of noise and doing silly things like throwing items down the laundry chute.  She didn’t yell at us unless we were really out of line.  She spoiled us and always had time to listen to our stories.  Looking back, she was a perfect grandmother.  It wasn’t that I thought anything bad but as a kid I just didn’t notice how good she was.

Another amazing thing Grandma always did is make us feel at home.  As my sister mentioned, Humboldt always felt so safe and comfortable.  It was always like coming back to a familiar place where everything stayed about the same.  Also being that the town was so small, your arrival was a bit of a novelty and most likely everyone already knew you were coming anyways.

I’ve included a copy of the funeral service notice.  Mom sent it to me after the service was over.  You can click on it to actually read what it says.

Time heals all things, even the feeling like something is missing.  However long it takes, there will always be the memories of time spent.  The hardest thing to realize is that the separation is temporary.  For who can say what happens when we die?  Many people think they know but you don’t know until you’ve done it.  It is very difficult to do this and report back.  The point is that anything could happen after the end.  You just have to wait until that times comes for you to know.

Eckhart Tolle aligns with Oprah for New Earth

This was surprising news. It does not seem that these two people would be compatible. However, it has happened and they have conspired to produce a weekly class on the Internet.

Eckhart is a spiritual teacher who has written books such as “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth”. I’ve read this books and would classify them as some of the most direct spiritual messages I’ve read. I’ve read others like Anthony DeMello and Richard Bach but Eckhart is more direct.

A New Earth - Oprah Book Club web site

Just tonight I’ve been reading the transcript of the first class. Very interesting discussion that reflects on chapter one. It is taking longer than expected to get through it. You might prefer to watch the video instead which is also there.

If you are willing to align with the class time, you can actually participate with Oprah and Eckhart and ask questions over Skype. During the first class Oprah took several calls.

It’s worth reading if you like spiritual stuff and are actually more interesting in creating a better life (the life you were meant to live). It spells out the intent of the next phase of human existence. The age of ego is coming to a close one way or another. Let’s just hope we get there in time.

Fictional World

Occasionally, I write fiction.  I openly admit that I am not very good at it but I have fun just the same.  Usually the fictional writing reflects thoughts and theories about how the world works.

This particular story is fairly recent.  I wrote it as an email to my friend Steve Joyce.  It is inspired from the idea of dreamtime.

Here it is:

Eons ago, a child was left alone.  This child knew nothing and yet was expected to live on its own.  With nothing to guide him, he began to make his own choices.  It was important to live so he found food.  It was important to sleep so he made a simple bed.  The child knew nothing but he learned.

Some of his choices were wrong but he just shrugged them off and tried again.  There was no one to tell him he was wrong anyhow so he really didn’t mind making mistakes.

Time passed and he learned he could dream.  Not only could he dream, but he could day dream with the most amazing clarity and inspiration.  Soon his dreams consumed his waking and his sleeping hours with full absorbtion.

In his mind, he made things.  Many things were inspired from what he knew but many things were new as well.  He created in his mind a world.  In this world he lived as we live.  He would see and do as if he was actually of that world.  It was freedom and he did not feel alone.  His mind was all he needed and he could create whatever he wanted.

One day something strange happened.  Something very troubling.  One of his creations talked back to him.  This creation was a person which he had been following much like many other people he had watched.  What disturbed him was that this dream figure was acting very different from how he had imagined.

This dream woman challenged this creation.  This woman saw the weaknesses and flaws and called them to the front.  The boy was hurt and angry that any dream of his, under his control, would every fight back.  He lashed out and accused the woman of not knowing what she was talking about.  The woman received this advice and replied that he was wrong.  The child, yelling out in anger said “How dare you challenge me.  Just who do you think you are?”

The answer came back, in slow calm tones “We are your parents.  We have come back for you.”

“Why did you ever leave me?”

“We never left you… We just wanted you to learn for yourself.”

The boy is overcome with emotion and confusion.  He has been caught playing god with a world that has become real.  His parents want him to understand.  So, they send him into the world he has created to live among that which has been created.  They know that he needs to see what he has done.

The boy descends fully into this world.  He is now an active participant in what happens.  His parents are still there watching but they are not interfering. They are hoping the boy will do the right things.

The boy is still confused, but he is learning.  That which you create is not always meant to be under your control.  All that exists has a sum of zero and infinity at the same time.  There is no point in trying to force imbalance for a world that will balance itself.

Finally, the boy is not alone.  He is finally beginning to understand the meaning of his life.  As he grows, he feels the life inside of him burning like a fire.  Slowly, he is beginning to radiate like the sun.  He is becoming the healer he was always meant to be.  And, the first person he needs to heal is himself.  The rest will be easy.

Grandma Diamond

My Grandma, Helen Diamond, has passed away. It happened on February 12, 2008 at around 7:30pm. My Mom was there and she called me about two hours after it happened.

It was a very sad day. This is the closest person I have lost ever. I am still having a hard time believing that she is gone.

Last year it was found that she had cancer. They performed an operation later last year and removed a large mass. Things were looking better until the news came after Christmas that the cancer had returned and that it was too spread out through the organs to defeat with any treatment. Grandma accepted this and decided not to perform any more tests or treatments. Instead, she would stay at home for as long as she could with the help of family.

Surprisingly, things progressed very quickly and by this last Tuesday she could not hold on any more. Over the last few weeks things were obviously getting worse and it is fortunate that she got her wish to stay home till the very end.

The hardest things to accept is that someone that was always there is not there anymore. She meant so much to all the grandkids. She spoiled us rotten and always had the time to talk. Grandma could often be spotted at the dining room table with a cup of coffee either chatting with visitors or listening to the radio. I remember that Grandma and Grandpa used to listen to Paul Harvey around lunch time. The dining room table was covered in a thin sheet of plastic so that any spills could be stopped. A pot of coffee was always nearby.

Grandma would cook so much food for the family. My weakness was cookies and Grandma would always be sure to cook lots before I showed up. She would fill the glass canisters and then proceed to fill containers in the freezer. I would eat them as fast as I could and this was pretty fast as a teenager. One time I must have eaten around 50 cookies in the period of an hour or two. She would always just wander off and bring back some more from the freezer. Or, she would start a new batch. She was famous for many different types of cookies but one of my favourites was the thin oatmeal cookies. Oh, they were so good. She must have appreciated having a grandchild that loved her cooking so much.

Grandma was very active in the community. She was always doing things related to church. I remember being in women’s groups like Topps and others as well. She loved talking on the phone and knew much of what was going on in Kittson county. A local newspaper would call to see what the Humboldt news was. One time she told them about Debra and I were coming to visit for the summer and the paper actually printed this. I was surprised but apparently having visitors was fairly big news at the time.

There are so many memories of Grandma based on us spending so much time in Minnesota when we were growing up. We used to spend heaps of time camping at Lake Bronson. If I remember correctly, we started with a tent and then later graduated to a caravan(camper). Grandma loved taking trips out to the lake. Sometimes Grandpa would have time to join her.

Grandma and Grandpa used to love the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. The would watch it until they fell asleep. I always didn’t know whether to wake them up or just let them sleep there. Even when they went to bed they would watch TV until they fell asleep.

They had a sunroom built as an extension to the house. The room had a clear ceiling so that it would let in the sunlight. This is perfect for a winter’s day when you want the sun but not the cold. In the later years, Grandma would spend time here.

Grandma was 85 when she passed away. She has many family and friends that are going to miss her. She lived long enough to see many grandchildren get married and have children of their own. The oldest great-grandchild is now a teenager.

There are so many things I’m going to miss about Grandma. I just remembered how she used to insist on giving great big grandma hugs. As a kid I would sometimes find this unusual. Now, I just wish she wasn’t gone and could give another hug.

The hardest thing is that our relationship is over. Its an ending I never wanted.

However, being over for her means that she does not have cancer any more. It also means that she does not have to suffer any longer. She has moved on. She now has peace. I can respect that.

Follow The Leader

Until recently, I never realized the full power of any communications medium. Usually, I take things like TV for granted. In my life, it has always been there. Except for a brief period of about a year in 1990, I have always watched it.

TV would have been first popular in the early 1950’s so it would not be until about then that the first pure TV consumers would have been born.

Before that, it was radio. Before that, it was newspapers. Before that, books? And before that, word of mouth?

The latest form is the Internet. Even though the Internet has existed since the late 60s, it was not until around 1993 that it met widespread adoption with the introduction of the first web browsers. The true Internet generation (born in the early 90’s) has not fully matured yet. This unique group of people are going to use the Internet in ways that cannot be easily imagined now.

The power of information is also the power of who controls it. Thoughts are formed centrally and dispersed for consumption by the masses. It is all so easy. All you need to do is watch.

It hit me recently that even the most casual TV watching can be damaging to independent thought. I experienced this in full during 1990 and the initial Gulf war. People at work would tell me about the video game like nature of bombs being dropped. Some people would feed off this stuff until late at night. It was new to reveal so much about the videos of the fighter/bombers. Somehow it became okay to show destruction through the cameras from afar.

Anyways, at the time, it seemed fairly obvious that the media was selling a military story. The price of admission was following the story.

Being isolated from TV at the time, I started to think differently. I wasn’t exposed to the thoughts directly and it made a big difference to how I looked at the situation. I would never have expected that this would make such a change.

The drive to sell a story for the sake of revenue creates a need for “thought leadership”. What this really means is that someone wants to do the thinking for you. The power comes from lack of resistance and the willingness to spend time and money on continuing the story forward.

It comes out that most people are happy to be sheep as long as everyone else is sheep as well. Leaders, who sometimes act as wolves, hide in the flock and consume what they want.

Secrets are largely the weapon of choice for information segregation. These secrets are seen as the defense against independent thinking. Secrets are really invested in for the sake of intelligence. Follow any agency around in earnest and find yourself the target of an agency that will do anything to protect its secrets.

This makes it sound like some kind of conspiracy theory. So untrue. It is just the realization that independent people are just independent thinkers. Either they are leaders themselves (with potentially no audience) or they have just disconnected from the world at large.

Everyone likes someone else to take the first step. Taking the risk of taking the first step wrong can often stop most people. What is little known is that these steps into the unknown are often taken with the same trepidation as the other people that don’t take any steps first. The only people that can take steps on their path without fear are the ones that don’t need leaders and don’t even care if anyone follows.

Personally, it all kind of makes me feel sick. It’s like the whole human earth is contaminated by the mirror neuron thinking which gives but also takes. Sickness runs deep within humanity and the pursuit to purify the soul only leads to more sickness. It gives cause to understanding that all desire only leads to more desire.

The hardest thing to do is to stop following.

The leader in front of you is not you.

The leader in you is the one you need to pay attention to.

Follow your own leader.

Best Friend - Mario Materazzo

Mario Materazzo is a name I will never forget. Mario was my best friend when we lived in Woodstock. He lived a couple of houses down from us on Fleming Road. His house was on the corner of Fleming and Route 120. It was a fairly big house with a working farm and barn. They used to have quite a few animals around. I remember being impressed with the peacocks since it was the first time I ever saw someone own them and keep them on the property.

Mario was at the same school and the same grade as me. We rarely had classes together based on different levels of study. I can’t remember how we met, but knowing Mario it was probably with him coming over to our house and introducing himself. He was never shy and I certainly envied him that.

Mario was an only child at the time and wanted someone to play with. I don’t think he would have really minded who he played with but from his perspective I was a pretty good mate. We used to get into all kinds of trouble together. He always had such a depth of ideas about what could be done. We would sometimes play with my sister and her friend. We would have all the military toys (tanks, soldiers, planes) and they would have the Barbies and the accessories. Typically it would go well for a few minutes but before long the tormenting would begin. I would pretend to attack Ken and Barbie with the tanks and planes. It was escalate to popping off the Barbie heads (which could be fixed). Mario, from memory, took it too far once and managed to break off a leg. I remember us laughing at the time. Unfortunately this could not be fixed and I did feel bad for my sister. She still sometimes remembers this event. It was just Mario. He meant well and sometimes the fun just went too far.

Another classic example is when we used to take field trips into their distant backyard. I don’t know how many acres it was but I would guess at least 100. Either Mario was telling me stories about owning this property or it really was theirs. I would tend to believe that they owned it. One day we ventured far into the back. Mario and I found a small bomb. It looked like the kind of bomb that you would find after being dropped from a plane. It had the fins and the round aerodynamic shape. It was real and obviously forgotten in a field. We decided that it was a good idea to take it with us. So, we started walking back to the house with this unexploded bomb. Mario had the clever idea of passing the time by tossing the bomb to me. I wasn’t going to catch it so I remember it landing nearby. Me, equally being clever, tossed it back. I don’t know how long this went on for but I do remember that we added sound effects and acted like the bomb worked from time to time. Once past the first throw, it was incredibly fun.

We got back to the house after quite a walk and showed the bomb to Mario’s mom. She freaked out instantly. She rightly was worried that it could explode at any time. She laid out a towel on the kitchen counter and put the bomb gingerly on the towel. Within minutes she was calling some unknown authority about what to do about the bomb.

She was told that the backyard had once been used as a training ground for military exercises and that the bomb should be treated as live. Someone would be there to collect it within the next few hours.

I don’t know about Mario, but it certainly left a big impression on me. Not that I have seen any bombs since then but I can easily say that I would not pick up a bomb again. Perhaps Mario felt the same way since we never went looking for more of them.

We used to walk to each other’s houses quite often.  We always had great times and thinking back, he was an instant and lasting friend.

We dug snow caves in winter.  We cannonballed in summer.  We walked around both of our properties and always imagined new things to do.  Mario was always willing to try things I thought might be dangerous.  We made a good team since we lived on different sides of caution.

I used to go over to his house to hang out.  There always seemed like something new going on.  His family was quite wealthy and Mario told me that his Dad was in the meat packing business in Chicago.  He also had told me that his family had originally come from Mexico.  Much later, I wondered if there was a chance that organized crime was involved.  It used to be a joke in the house but later I concluded that perhaps it was not a joke.  His father was rarely around.  His mother was so nice and was always looking out for us.  Later his father would come down with a tumor in his stomach and his belly grew quite large.  It was unclear if it was cancer or not but I don’t think it ended well.

I remember they had bought and caged a dangerous dog.  Mario had said it was for protection and that it was half wolf.  To me it looked like something that should never be let out of its cage.

Mario was such a cool friend and I was said to leave him when we moved away in 1978.  About the same time, he moved to Mexico with his family.  In 1979 I heard from him the last time with a letter that came to me in Tucson.  It was not well written but the message was clear.  Mario was in Mexico and had gotten involved with drugs.  He advised me to stay away from them.  It was sad news and it always made me wonder what happened after that.  I’m hoping that he is still alive and well and doing business in Mexico or America.  There is little hope now of knowing what happened.

I’ve included the only picture that I have of Mario.  It was taken in 1976 and in Acapulco.  Mario had caught this massive swordfish and got his picture in the local Woodstock newspaper.  He was so proud of this and I remember him telling me that he really was the one that caught it.  Click on the picture to see the large version.

Mario made living in Woodstock so fun.  He was certainly the best childhood friend I had.  It’s been great remembering him.

Muir TV Repair

Growing up, my Dad worked on fixing televisions.  This happened whenever things got slow at TWA with being a navigator.  Obviously a navigator is a better job money-wise but sometimes things would get dodgy.  During the energy crisis of 1973, many pilots and air crews were laid off.  Dad never seemed to be high up enough on the list to avoid being laid off.  At least he had another job to fall back on.

The order of things in my memories is a bit mixed up but in the end it really doesn’t matter.  My earliest memory of understanding that Dad could fix TVs happened in around 1969-1970.  He had just bought a special testing kit and tested it on a TV in our garage.  The device would generate color patterns and he used a special mirror to see the colors while he was in the back of the TV.  I remember it being a bit like stands used to hold music but with a mirror instead.  It was mesmerizing to watch the color changes and also very new since it was early in the adoption of color TV.

At some later time, he actually worked in a TV repair shop in McHenry, Illinois.  He seemed happy but he was always happier to be flying somewhere in his 727s.  He worked for a couple that owned the shop and also sold TVs.  The early 70s were still a time of being really excited about TVs.  People used to spend fortunes (as they do today on huge TVs) and many TVs were actually considered to be as important as nice furniture.  Some of the cabinets used from that era were as good as any other crafted wood furniture.

We had several TVs in the house.  Later on, Mom and Dad had their own TV built into the wall of their bedroom.  It was quite a novelty.  We really were a TV family.  I used to watch baseball on a TV that really only I used next to the fireplace upstairs.  It was a black and white but I didn’t care.  I became a Cubs fan since we lived near Chicago.  I remember using a marker on the glass screen of the TV to mark where the strike zone was.  It was surprising how much that camera never moved.

Just after the energy crisis and when we moved to Woodstock, Dad setup a shop in the shed on our property.  The shed was two stories and fairly big.  He custom built a work area upstairs with a fully enclosed space with work benches and tube lights.  It seemed like a pretty impressive thing to have at home.  In this area, he had lots of tools and bench space.  Somehow he managed to always fill the bench area with TVs and parts.  I used to go visit him from time to time when he was up there.  Sometimes he’d get so involved that you might not see him in the house all day.

He called his business Muir TV and he did get a fair number of people asking for his help.   Many TVs end up being too expensive to fix so Dad used to keep those around for parts.  This seems to be a common practice.  He would do service at houses and in practice he proved not to be a great businessman.  He would tell me that people would often have TVs that didn’t work simply because they had unplugged them by accident.  He wouldn’t charge any money even though he would have to travel there to find this out.  In fact, he always undercharged his customers.  I remember looking through his receipts and most of them were marked as N/C (No charge).

The TV repair business changed for the worse when the tubes were changed to transistors and integrated circuits.  The internals were worth less and less and it became more efficient to buy a new TV instead of fixing an old one.  The repair business suffers this problem across the board.  Fixing things often costs more than getting a new better version.

The vacuum tubes were really cleverly designed.  It was possible to replace one from its socket without much effort.  This is rarely true for a transistor or integrated circuit.

Another strike against repair was the increased circuitry complexity in TVs.  The technology was just getting too advanced for the TV repair people to catch up.  Dad has told me many times that it just doesn’t make sense to fix high tech low cost devices.  It is clear that we live in a world of planned obsolescence.

Dad actually was in the process of moving his business to a real Woodstock location.  He had rented a building just out of town with good traffic.  It had been a printing business and we acquired much of the stock left behind.  For years later we were still using the stationery.  Anyways, the business never got started and if I remember it was because he had left Woodstock to move to Albuquerque.  The timing of this is not clear but Dad never committed to opening the store.  I’m unclear whether or not he could have pulled it off.  He was way too generous with his time and skills.

His interest in technology was what led to me studying computers.  We would visit him in Albuquerque and he had a Radio Shack Model I.  He would let us play with it and showed us how the programs worked.  He had trouble grasping the details and had bought a book on a microprocessor.  He had tried to understand the book but had trouble.

I picked it up and was instantly fascinated.  I had no idea that was how they worked and somehow it made sense.  It was the beginning of my curiosity with computers.  Later on I would study on Radio Shack Model IIIs and not long after that I was reverse engineering the operating system and making small changes (changing graphics and text).  In 1983 at the University of Arizona I helped maintain a full lab of these machines.  It was great timing.

Anyways, back to Muir TV.  Dad was always an early adopter of technology.  For awhile there, he lost touch from about 1985 to a few years ago.  Now, he is trying to catch up again.  I was just talking to him this weekend and he was telling me things about LCD, LED, and Plasma TVs that I didn’t know.  He certainly has an affinity for this kind of thing.

The last Muir TV story I’ll share is about how Dad almost died fixing a TV once.  The old TVs could be quite deceptive in how they are dangerous.  TVs that are turned off and unplugged for a week or more can still cause trouble.  Dad told me once he was working on such a TV when he was shocked through his two arms and his heart.  No one was there to help.  He couldn’t move his arms since the muscles were locked from the electricity.  It was only the act of gravity that pulled the TV downwards off the bench and off his arms.  The TV was destroyed but Dad was very glad to have survived.  Dad explained that capacitors inside TVs can store a charge of thousands of volts and can hold this charge for weeks.  It was common practice at that time to discharge the capacitors before doing work.  Dad made sure after that it would not happen again.  True story.

Asking for Directions

Everyone knows the joke about men never asking for directions. It seems to be a universal problem regardless of any particular part of the world or the culture involved. Men are supposed to know where they are going. It is not difficult to imagine a nomadic tribe wandering around lost with a single male signing that he remembers a tree or a interesting bush. And for such a long time, women have just shrugged their shoulders and found the first person that they could ask for themselves. Women have never seemed to be afraid to admit that they are lost. In a way, it is good that men and women spend time together. Otherwise the men might never find anything.

This is largely a stereotype but surprisingly it does seem to be the standard mode of operation for most men. I’ve done it myself lots of times and my wife will either insist that I ask or she will ask someone out the window when we are stopped at a light. It doesn’t happen very often but it can happen we we go on trips.

Why is it such a big deal? I’ve never heard a really good reason for it. I think it might have something to do with not admitting error. Perhaps making a mistake is just not supposed to be an option. How can you ask directions when the very act of asking shows that you have made a very big error of judgment? If not that, maybe it is just that men are supposed to instinctively know which direction to go and in that leadership it guarantees that we would want to keep our leadership role. We, as a group, do not like to let go of control. We typically view leadership with lack of error which in theory also leads to better respect.

The truth is that this kind of leadership is destined to failure. No one will talk about it perhaps (fearing punishment) but it will still be a mistake. Leadership that fears and avoids failure is destined to fail. Quite bizarre concept really.

The point this apparently is leading to is that leaders must acknowledge that having only one leader is bound to fail in the short and long term. By this I mean that if the leader relies solely on his or her own brain, and does not ask for opinions (or directions) the chance of successfully reaching the goal are greatly diminished. I’m not saying that there should be hundreds of leaders. That is more a problem of too many heads (hydra) that really will be the expression of individual minds with most likely conflicting ideas of where to go. This would pretty much put the group in stagnation with lots of churn in one spot. A leader which is willing to share the power is more likely to ask for directions. A leader with thought originating outside his or her brain is more likely a leader that is uncaring as to where the ownership of the ideas lay.

It is a great secret in spirituality that there are no secrets. It takes awhile to realize that most everything is already available to you. The best bits of life come from the usually unobserved miracles of everyday life.

I say this because I’ve come to a point in my life where I need to make a decision. I’m in the process of deciding whether or not to travel to my grandparent’s home in Minnesota. My Grandmother is very ill and it is unclear how much time is left. It could be anything from a few days to a few months. Anyway, it is hard to deal with since I’ve never been this close to the possibility of death with someone that has been so close.

I already know what I should do which is to go to America. As selfish as it sounds, I just don’t know if I am ready. I know I could do it, really.

Anyways, I’m going to decide in the next day or two what to do and this is where the “asking for directions” comes from. Obviously I’m not asking for directions to Humboldt. This is a case where I admit that my first reaction is to shield my emotions. The directions I would seek is how to open up. I need to let all this stuff out.

It is not aimed at any one person to ask this and really this is more like therapy for me to write about this that me actually expecting someone to respond.

I figure that the universe has its own way of answer questions and providing help when asked.

So, I ask this:

How can I find the courage to face this and not shield my heart? How can I let the pain come to the surface without losing my way?

Frankly I’m afraid of letting this kind of stuff out. It is kind of like having a cupboard full of china that has been displaced by an earthquake. At what point to you try to open the door?

The answer, metaphysically, is that the door is already open. You cannot hold back that which has already happened.

Illusions surround us everyday and the most revealing thing about them is that they are formed by our own perceptions. A magician never reveals his secrets and likewise our minds do the same. The trapdoor in the stage is set for us to fall into to save us from the boiling knives. The fierce heat does not reach us and we are safe, as always, deep inside.

That which is sought is always granted but perhaps not in the form sought. Peace and harmony are solely a process of the mind inspired by the events seen on the outside. What if your whole life was nothing but a performance that you alone wrote. Why would you write it that way? What is the ending? Will anyone appreciate your script?

Clearly it is not that simple.

I just am having trouble accepting what I know is what I am meant to do. The only way to face your phantoms is to stop running and to turn on the lights. Once done, you realize that the phantoms disappear and that it was your own thoughts that brought them to bear.

When my great-grandmother died in 1975 I was only ten years old. Since I was the first of her son’s Harvey’s grandchild, we somehow formed a special bond. I have several memories of her and I’m so glad that I was able to be a part of her life. When she died, I didn’t know what to do. I remember this well. I didn’t want to admit that she had died to that part of me that still wanted to be with her. It’s like I never let go.

I didn’t go to the funeral as part of this view of hiding the truth. I was pretty young at the time but this way of handling such close loss has survived largely intact today. I have recently discovered that my Dad has done the same thing with his family.

It is time for that kind of reaction to end. I have to accept that these things happen all the time and will eventually affect me as well.

In that light, I have convinced myself to go. She certainly has not died yet but that is no excuse for avoiding what will most likely be nothing like I have imaged. I have the ability to take the time to do this and there really are no excuses for being in remiss.

It certainly is not going to be easy but at least change is taking place and I’m sure the answers and directions will come soon.

I spoke with Grandma a couple of weeks ago and she seemed in good spirits. I asked her what I could do. She replied that she would like for me to pray for her.

Grandma, you have given so much in your life. I pray that you know how much of a difference you have made in everybody’s life and that you can see how much everyone loves you. And, even though you are suffering with a fatal illness, you are still a bright light in the family. I pray that you will know how much we love you. I pray that you will see that your family understands the path that you are on and that everyone will show you that they can let go.

The battle is largely over and I know that there is not much time or energy left. I know how hard it can be to stand alone on a field of strange places. You do not stand alone. It just seems that way. We all love you so much and we will rally around you once again. We are not here to fight but rather spend what time we have together on that field.

I’m sorry that it all worked out this way. I wish things had gone differently. This is not where any of us wanted things to be. We are not captains of our own lives this way.

However, we do have the power to accept. We do have the power to bring light and love to such a lovely person as yourself. It is clear that the path has already been chosen and that the challenges presented. It is just a matter of bringing all this together in a way that shows you that everything is already okay.

Mom, I know you are reading this. Can you please print this out and give this to Grandma when you go to see her next week.

It appears to be such a public way of doing this but really very few people read this blog. In this case it is probably a blessing. It is quickly turning into a blog just for our family.

With that, I must stop for now. It has been a very draining day to think about what is coming.

Labor Saving Devices

During the industrial age and continuing into the information age there has been a constant focus on progress.  The partial definition of progress is creating ideas that lead to less energy being exerted which also gets more work done.  It is a fairly simple concept to allow people to have more idle time to do whatever they want.

Unfortunately, this usually leads to lack of activity which encourages weight gain and an unhealthy lifestyle.

Perhaps the pendulum has swung too far towards making things easy.  Perhaps it is time to make things a bit more difficult for the sake of creating work.  Instead of wasting energy doing exercises at a gym, wouldn’t it make that much more sense to use that energy to complete normal tasks?

It’s not a particularly inspired idea and yet it seems to be completely missed by the mass advertising campaigns.  Perhaps the last thing a person wants to do is work when they can do something to do the work for them.

Along these lines, even play could encourage exercise.  Video game technology (like the Wii) is getting good enough at using real actions to control action within the game.  As an experiment, I have been doing Wii Sports over the last week or two and have found that it actually does challenge the body to move that a typical middle aged person like myself would not normally do.  Having the inspiration to use this energy is much better than just typing at a keyboard all day and watching TV at night.

With all the new focus on being green, it is clear that non-powered devices are going to become more popular again. It isn’t going to be a revolution but it is sort of a realization that too many things are automated and dependent on electricity to do the work.

Even transportation is too static.  I’ve thought many times that even though it is impractical, it would be more useful to having it require more energy to drive a car.  This could range from having a lack of power steering and power windows up to the insane idea of doing some kind of peddling action while driving.  The point is that it would be beneficial for humans to expend energy while using vehicles.  If it was possible to use this energy to reduce the amount of energy the vehicle uses, so much the better.  Obviously a bicycle is a perfect match for this concept but unfortunately the bicycle can only take you so far.  Adding to this is the fact that dedicated bicycle paths rarely exist and therefore bicyclists are always at risk with passing automobiles.

The real question is, how many times have you seen a fat bicyclist?  If you do, he or she is most likely either an beginner or has just been busted for some serious vehicle offense.

So, the next time you here the phrase “Labor Saving Device” just think that most likely it is going to make you lazy and fat.  Sure, it is attractive to the leisure loving side of yourself but rest assured that it is a slippery slope and that the balance needs to be brought back by having more “Labor Creating Devices”.  Even better, why not try it with no devices at all?  That’s assuming that it is possible to do without tools.

Or, perhaps it would be better to think “How can I use up the most energy doing this task?”.  Strange, but true.

At the very least it is something to consider.

Commercial Sites Which Only Allow USA Customers

This is an old pet peeve of mine. I want to buy something on the Internet for my family in America and yet the web site is either incorrectly coded for foreign transactions or the company will not accept credit cards from outside the US. I’m sure there are good reasons for this but I do not appreciate the exclusion.

Recently I tried to get stuff from both IKEA and Wal-Mart for family members. It sounded like a good idea at the time. It is the Internet and 2008 so why not?

Unfortunately it does not end well. IKEA would only allow the transaction after calling the 1-800 number if I was to fax proof that I lived overseas at the specified address. Wal-Mart didn’t even get that far. They have a policy of excluding all possible foreign addresses (except perhaps for the military forces stationed overseas). I’m not asking for them to send stuff HERE but rather to family in America. The model makes sense but apparently most US-based web sites/companies don’t get it.

In a rare act of customer defiance, I submitted this email to Wal-Mart for further clarification and restatement of why I think this policy is stupid. For your reading pleasure, I have included it here:

Hi Chris,

Can you tell someone that ordering things on the Internet means that customers can come from other countries? It appears that Wal-Mart, like many other US companies, does not realize the potential for allowing transactions originating from the rest of the world.

As a software developer, I realize that this is really not about technology but rather business policies and trust. The essential message is that people with foreign credit cards cannot be trusted and therefore must be excluded from purchasing items.

What is not realized is that families can now span the globe. People often try to use the Internet to purchase gifts to family members that reside in America. Since I have lived in Australia for 10 years, I have seen first hand what it means to try to do this. So many times I have failed to purchase something for my family in America even though my money is completely valid and I have the desire to buy something.

Usually it is because the forms are biased towards American addresses for billing addresses. Sometimes is simply just an oversight. Other times, like this, it is a strict policy which limits who can buy things.

As an American citizen living overseas and also as a past Wal-Mart customer when visiting, I find this annoying. I like Wal-Mart. My Dad likes Wal-Mart. He loves going down to the local SuperCenter to have a look and I believe that he buys most of what he buys there. I just thought it would be nice to give him a gift certificate to allow him to have some fun doing what he already loves.

It would be great if you shared this story. I do believe that Wal-Mart is missing a key use case of the Internet and should find a way to expand their level of trust for customers who live overseas but want to purchase for family in America for gifts.

Thanks,
Jeff Muir